Friday, February 20, 2009

"Well, I had enough. So I said when."

I guess this must be my week for quoting from my favorite movies. If you do not recognize the quote that the title of this post comes from, it was from the movie "Regarding Henry". This was a movie that I very much associated with. If you haven't ever seen it, it is a very good movie with the typical happy ending. Per IMDb "Henry Turner is a despicable and ruthless trial lawyer whose life is turned upside down when he is shot in the head during a robbery. He survives the injury with significant brain damage and must re-learn how to speak, walk, and function normally. He has also lost most of the memory of his personal life, and must adjust to life with the family that he does not remember. To the surprise of his wife and daughter, Henry becomes a loving and affectionate man."

Yes, I can relate to this movie because of my experience with my husband and our 19 year story with strokes and dementia, but I am not going to detail our story yet for I am not quite ready, although I am working on it to post in the future.

The reason though that I mention this movie is the quote "Well, I had enough. So I said when". I was laying in bed thinking about this week and a conversation that I had earlier with my brother, Scott. Sometimes, we have to recognize within ourselves when we've had enough and gain the courage to say when.

That is not an easy thing to do. It is so easy to say though. This is not even easy to explain here in this post. I am the type of person that is a pleaser. I value my self-worth on making others happy. I know that and I freely admit it. It is not a good thing though, because when you are that way, you are constantly disappointed and unhappy. You are continually trying to make others happy but in the meantime you make yourself miserable. You have to learn how to say "when".

I guess I have always confused self love to being selfish. Sometimes you have to have that epiphany to realize that you have been wrong all along. Self love is not selfish, if anything it is self preservation. You have to learn to love yourself. It is vital to self preservation. It is no wonder that I have spent a lot of my life unhappy. I need to practice what I preach. Maybe part of being able to do so is to recognize that I am guilty of this. I need to make a concentrated effort to change.

I know it will not happen overnight. I have been doing the pleaser thing ever since I can remember. You will never make everyone happy. You may as well at least make yourself happy and at peace. We only have one life and we need to live everyday to it's full advantage.

Just remember my dear brother. A good sister will help you move. A great sister will help you move the dead body. I am your great sister, in fact I am your only sister. Good thing you got me!!!!

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