Friday, October 16, 2009

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I am posting tonight with a heavy heart. I don't know what to say other than I found something a few weeks ago, which resulted in a visit to my physician. She ordered additional tests and they were performed today. After four and half hours in the Women's Center and five different sets of diagnostic mammograms and ultrasounds ending with the radiologist himself performing the last, I was told that I needed to see a surgeon. Yes, I have something that is not supposed to be there in my right breast. Ironically, it was not the lump that I first found, but another that was lurking much deeper and in a different part.

I am hopeful that it will all still turn out okay, but I also realize that I must put some type of a game plan in place in case it doesn't turn out how I want it to. I am scared. I have been up and down ever since I was called back the third time, while watching everyone else around me get the "All's good, you can leave now" spiel. Laying there on the fifth go round with the physician, I held back when he told me to get dressed and to meet him in his office. I knew what was coming. I knew the news was not good. Actually, even though I had thought I had prepared myself prior to going today, I just have been having a feeling that this was coming. I don't know why. I can't explain it. I wish I knew what made me feel this way.

I had wanted to post about this since I went to the doctor last week, but I had only told my daughter and my brother. I didn't want to worry anyone unnecessarily. It seems like ever since I went in, I have been surrounded by something daily about breast cancer. Duh!!! It is October, it is Breast Cancer Awareness month. What ever did I expect? I even had someone comment me on Facebook yesterday, who's wife is currently undergoing chemo for breast cancer. It prompted me to write him back and ask him why did he comment me now? Other than the initial invite, and I think I did comment him when he posted about his wife, we had had no contact. He said my profile had popped up and something just made him comment me. He was so sweet and kind to write back, especially considering he was home taking care of his wife yesterday. So Scott, if you are reading this, thank you and Andrea for taking the time and for announcing something so private, which was part of what prompted me to act when I did. Normally, I tend to push things like this to the back and not think that they are important. I'm glad I didn't stick my head in the sand this time.

I am fine AT THIS MOMENT!! Five minutes from now, I don't know. The tears keep coming at some very unexpected times. Why am I putting this out there? Well, maybe if I do, someone else will read it as well, and it may prompt them to not put off something that is so important. I haven't disclosed all of the details here and probably won't for the time being, but writing on this blog always makes me feel a little bit better. I know that I am not alone. I have Jessica and Lewis. I have my parents. I have my brother, Scott and his wife, Felicia. I have wonderful friends who love me. I also have friends that I have met online and who follow my blog. I love each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart. I know in the coming weeks, that I may need you in different ways. Ways that I may not even be aware of right this minute, but I know that you are there.

This is a path that I never wanted to go down, but I must. I know the cure rate is good, so that makes me feel a little better. I know that I will be seeing an awesome breast surgeon. I have heard wonderful things about her and my hope is that in the end, it will be just a small bump in the road. I guess that is life. Those twists and turns, the mountains and the valleys. Last week I was up on a mountain, the highest point in West Virginia in fact. Here is a picture of me Sunday on top of Spruce Knob, elevation 4,683'.

Tonight, I am in the valley. I will be up on that mountain again. With that smile. I promise.

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