I woke up this morning, not in the best of moods. I wasn't really sure why, but deep down I must have known.
It was another night of not being able to sleep. At 1:00AM, I finally broke down and took an Ambien to try to get some sleep. It worked for approximately five hours. That is about as long as it lasts anymore. 6:41AM and my eyes popped open. Lovely.
I didn't want to go to work. The sun is shining. I wanted to be at home and not stuck behind a desk. I know I'm whining, but I can't help it right now. I'm lucky to have a job. Any job. Really.
I'm mad that it's another week that I'm having to wait for an answer. Stupid rain storm. Stupid doctor's office that had to be in downtown Norfolk where it always floods.
I kept brooding and thinking. I do that too much. Think, that is.
I looked back on the blog to the day that I found out that I would have to see a surgeon for this lump. One month ago today. October 16th. I'm still waiting.....
If I was brave, I would take a razor blade and go in there myself. That's how bad I want to know. I want this thing out, like.....well yesterday.
Every twinge, every ache, I am afraid. Afraid that it is something ominous lurking around in my body. I try to keep my thoughts positive. It is hard to do when you are dealing with the unknown.
I don't know what else to say right now. I have a lot of school work that I could be doing. The semester ends in less than four weeks. I'm not doing it though. I should be writing a paper for English. I have three due this week. I'm procrastinating. I have a test in Medical Terminology tomorrow. I haven't even begun the chapter. It is on Oncology. Yeah, like I really want to do that one. I still have an "A" average in all four of my classes, for the moment at least.
I think when I get off work at 2:00PM, I will go home, change into some comfy clothes with no bra, and sit on my porch in the sunshine for a little while. Oh, that's right, I will definitely get some sun as Lewis had to completely cut down one of my Bradford Pear trees in the front yard. It looks weird without it.
I want sameness. I want my tree. I want an answer.