Not Me Monday!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Our not me's for the week and boy do I have some today.

First off I have not been such a bad blogger lately that I have not even posted since I came back from Florida and have NOT posted any pictures. Nope, not me!!

I did not get five new outfits while I was in Florida of which one of those Jessica salivated over for a few days and I finally said ok to her wearing one of the new dresses on Friday. When I went to wear it today, there was a paperclip in the bodice. What ever was a paperclip doing there? Was she using it as a button? Who knows!

My neighbor did not come over on Friday quite distraught because my kitty, Sissy, had been rubbing up against her husbands legs and he accidentally shut her tail in their car door with the door locked. Poor Sissy had to stand there until they got the keys to unlock her tail from the car door. Oh well, it's not the first time that we had a cat that got her tail caught in the door. Jessica did it to Sissy's mom Prissy, many years ago and Priss still has a kinked tail. Sissy came home with a swollen and kinked tail. Poor baby! Miss Gloria will make it up to her though as my cats go over to her house at least twice a day for snicky-snacks as we call them. They are such the beggar cats.

Speaking of Florida, I have not yet officially unpacked and there are not still unfolded clothes laying on the foot of my bed that I just keep getting clothes out of instead of putting them away like a normal person. I guess that's why I did NOT discover this morning until I was at work that I had put on my underwear inside out. Smooth move on my part. In the past I have wore two different colors of flats to work, not realizing that one was black and the other dark blue. At least clients don't come in and can see that I did something dumb.

Florida

Yes, I am in Florida and am having a wonderful time. The weather has been beautiful, mid 90's, low humidity and I have been shopping, shopping, shopping!!! I have some pics to post and will when I get to a computer that I can download to. I am now off to the pool (yes, I have to get some sun and not come home paler than when I left) and we will go out to eat tonight somewhere yummy!!!

I didn't realize how much I truly needed to just get totally away! I will be flying back home tomorrow afternoon :( but will definitely return for a repeat visit. I am probably the only person to come to Orlando and not see Disney, but I am perfectly happy doing what I am doing.

Will post this weekend.

Family Issues aka Let's Make Things Just a Little More Complicated

For me, when I mention family, it usually evokes thoughts of the Norman Rockwell type of painting of a family around a dinner table, talking, happy, full of smiles. Unfortunately, that is not what you always get when dealing with family regardless of who's family it is. In this case, I'm speaking of Butch's family. Sometimes, I think they are there just so that when I think things are quiet they pop out of the woodwork and stir things up. For some reason they always have some inner clock that tells them when I'm having a good day, so that they can call and make things come crashing down.

This all started about two weeks ago on the evening of my birthday. Let's backtrack for a moment though and do the Readers Digest Condensed Version of why Butch's family doesn't speak to Jessica and myself. Last year when Butch was committed to a geriatric psychiatric facility when things really started going crazy with his dementia I had requested at that time he be placed in a facility. He wasn't cognizant of his surroundings and quite bluntly, he was a danger to me and Jessica. Well, in rides his brothers and sister to the rescue. They didn't agree, which really they didn't have to but in all honestly except for one brother, he didn't see the rest of them except for maybe twice a year at Christmas and perhaps another holiday. They really didn't understand how bad things had become but it didn't take a rocket scientist to see when you went to visit him either. For most of the three months that Butch spent there, at least two of those months Butch didn't even realize he was in a hospital, he thought he was at work (he had been retired 14 years at that point) or in a prison (he was never in a prison, I think he spent one night in jail for some minor infraction in his early-20's like drunk in public and he was too scared to call his parents for help)or who knows where. However, out of the four siblings living, three of them gave me a hell of a hard time which resulted in one of his brothers and his sister attacking Jessica verbally on her MySpace account and she in turn firing back, although she used some bad language that I disapproved of she did take up for herself which is better than what I did, which was nothing. One brother flew in from Hawaii to take Butch back there to which I said fine, let me pack his bags. I give up, if you can do better, go for it. Brother "R" signs him out of the hospital and the next day they get into a verbal disagreement at the airport. Three days after that I get the phone call from "R" that "he didn't understand the extent of his deficits" and was sending him back home. Of course, that left things back in my lap.

That was in mid-March of 08. Butch lasted at home for two months before things spiraled out of control yet again and he was placed in the facility that he is currently in. During the two months that he was home, his sister called him once, the brother "R" called once to see if he made it home from Hawaii, and his niece and her husband came by twice. Not once were there any offers to help with Butch, bring a meal, take him for the day, nothing. His sister did send him, and only him, an invitation to a cookout, quite markedly on the envelope it was addressed to Mr. Butch Delaney, nothing about daughter or wife. Gee, we had only been married 19 years at that point, why in the world would you invite his wife and your niece????? (yes, I'm being a smart*ss today, LOL!!)

Back to the subject at hand. Anyways, I get a call from his youngest brother two weeks ago today starting out quite nice. He lets me know that he's getting married in July to his fiance and that Jessica and I are invited to the wedding which is being held in his sisters backyard. I was polite and thanked him (I should have been suspicious at this point) but said no thank you that I didn't think that would be a good idea considering all that had happened the prior year. Then he lets the real reason loose. I want Butch to come to the wedding. (Ahhhh, so that's really why you called eh?????? Let's just beat around the bush, shall we?) I ask what time is the wedding, he responds six. I tell Brother "B" that Butch is in bed and asleep at 7:30PM and that I really don't think it's a good idea but that I will consider it. I tell him I will call him the next week sometimes.

Well, Jessica and I go to the facility that next day and at first Butch seemed about the same. We decide to go out for pizza and all is quiet at first. Unfortunately it didn't stay that way as Butch started having some bathroom issues. Anyways, long story short, by the time we got Butch back to the facility there had been several accidents and a shower was necessary. Two hours out is all it took and we stayed right there in town, thank goodness. Sometimes we venture for a little drive to the next town, but no more. Bottom line, he just doesn't have the necessary bowel and bladder control and no, Depends does not always do the trick. I know he was embarrassed and my heart ached for him.

The following Tuesday we had a meeting with the facility staff as Butch had reached the one year mark and the meeting was just a routine, "here is how he is doing" type of thing. I spoke to some of the staff that is most aware of his case and all agreed that it would not be good for Butch to travel to Virginia and especially that late in the day to go to this wedding. In fact, the staff doctor is writing a letter stating the same.

Now, here is the kicker. Brother "B" called again last Friday asking if I was going to bring Butch to the wedding. I explain no and the reasons why ie: too late in the day, bathroom control, problems walking, etc, etc. He seems to "get" it and I tell "B" that maybe he and the new wife can go see Butch, that I'm sure Butch would enjoy the visit. I then state to "B" that perhaps he can call and speak to Butch but that I would appreciate not mentioning the wedding as I did not want Butch to get agitated over not being able to attend. He hesitates then and says to me "Well, Sister "K" called Butch this morning and told him about the wedding". I could feel my blood pressure skyrocket but I didn't say much. Why did they have to do that? I feel like they are trying to manipulate me into making me bring him by making me look like the bad guy. Let's tell Butch so we can force her hand. I quickly got off the phone, because I'm trying to be the better person at this point.

On Monday, I find out that "K" and "B" go to see Butch this weekend and of course they talk more about the wedding to Butch. Now, "K" had been to see Butch one other time this year and "B" none. If they cared so damned much, why aren't they down there like Jessica and myself? Even once a month would be nice. We go every other weekend and call twice a week. They just don't "get" it. Butch has been violent to us. They did not live that. They did not live with him throwing lit cigarettes at Jessica's face, choking me to the point that I had bruises on my neck, threatening violence, throwing two liter soda bottles at your head, having the police come to your home and tell you that there was nothing that they could do because he was not mentally competent for his actions. YET THEY WANT ME TO TAKE HIM OUT TO THIS DAMNED WEDDING???????????

If Jessica, his only child, got married to Lewis tomorrow, we would plan something at the facility so that Butch could be there. It was nice of his brother to invite him but I get so tired of his family not getting his disease. It was just like at Christmas his sister giving him a DVD player. Butch can't operate that. It just confuses him. Why can't they understand??? I know I haven't written out all of the background and every detail but I am just so frustrated. I am frustrated that they will never get it when it comes to Butch, frustrated that they don't include Jessica or reach out to her, she is their niece and blood. I understand them hating me. I am nothing to them, but Jessica is their kin. I am frustrated that I let myself get so upset when something like this happens.

Tomorrow, Jessica and I go for another visit. This is our life and our routine. That is okay. I am always drained both physically and mentally when we end our day there. I dread tomorrow because I know that he is unhappy that I will not bring him home and that he cannot go to this wedding but I just can't do it. As the staff said last week. He is getting the appropriate level of care for his disease. I CANNOT DO IT. I cared for him for a long, long time and probably too long when you come right down to it. I don't know why I have such gnawing, gut wrenching guilt when it comes to this. I do though. I know I am not wrong, I know I am doing the right thing. I just must continue that mantra.

Not Me Monday! on Tuesday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

We haven't done this in a while and quite honestly I was going to do it last night but I was a little down in the dumps and Jessica insisted that I go off with her and Lewis' mom, Lorrie, to have a drink. Since Jessica is only 19, she was obviously the designated driver. I will tell you more later so that we can proceed with our Not Me's!!!

I did not burn my underarms in the stand up tanning booth last Thursday. I have been tanning for the last month in preparation for my Florida jaunt and noticed that I had some white streaks down my side where my arms kind of lay against my body while in the tanning bed so I decided to use the stand up booth with my arms held up over my head. Not a good idea(shaking head back and forth)!! I learned two things from this experience - one is that deoderant is an EXCELLENT sunblock so at least my armpits are not burnt and number two is that the skin around your armpits is very tender and tends to REALLY, REALLY burn quick and once it is burnt it is very, very painful. Here is a picture of Kaitlyn and myself when I first started on this tanning journey. Yes, I look a little red here, but I am now, and for the first time in my life, a nice tan color. Don't worry though, I'm gonna give it up after this session is finished. I'm a little vain and I don't want to look like a dried up old prune when all is said and done.

I did not jam a wooden splinter into and underneath my pinkie fingernail bed that went almost down to the cuticle. I almost peed my pants when it happened!! I was making my bed that morning and was tucking the comforter down next to the wall as one side of the bed is against the wall and as I was pushing the comforter down apparently my fingernail scraped the paneling (have I ever said how much I HATE, LOATHE, and ABHOR paneling?????)and the splinter went right up under my fingernail. You could actually see it through my fingernail. By the end of the day my whole finger hurt and I finally got the gumption to take a pair of tweezers and go to work on getting that obnoxious splinter out. Needless to say, I haven't made my bed since and that was one habit that I was working on and was very successful with.

Jessica did not call me one day last week and was totally astonished to find that our dining room table pulled apart and that you could add a leaf to it. We have had that table since before she was born and she is now 19. I can't believe that she didn't know this. Where has she been all this time?

Jessica has not watched the movie "Twilight" at least once a day, and sometimes twice a day for the last two weeks. She is soooooo hooked! Lewis is going to kill her(or at least hide the TV remotes from her) if she doesn't stop. I'm not quite sure of the facination that she has going on as I have not read the books nor had any interest at watching the movie but still......plus for those that know me, I do not watch TV or movies for the most part. I could totally throw out the TV and probaby never miss it. She also read all four of the Twighlight books within one week. I like the reading part but she is acting like a tween about this movie. Lewis even asked her if she wishes he was Edward(the main character in Twighlight that all the females are gaga over) and her response was "well you are Edward" because Lewis' full name is Edward Lewis Hubbard. I swear my child is such the smartass this week.

Well, I guess that's enough for now. Will update all later with what has been happening here.

Letters from the Bored

From time to time we have to take a little break at work from all the stress and have a little fun. These are just a couple e-mails that the collections deparment here at Cooper, Spong & Davis would LOVE to send to the partners. And also some e-mails we'd love to send to some Twilight characters.

From Me:
Dear Cooper Spong & Davis:

Whoever left the ice bucket empty and put an empty ice tray back into the freezer is trifling.

Thanks

JD

From Jerri:
Dear Cooper, Spong & Davis

Please provide one of the conference rooms with a big fluffy bed. No one likes to nap on the kitchen 'tables'. Failure to do so will result in a profoundly obnoxious strike from your home collections department. And every other mother who works here…so all of your other staff members as well. Our mission here is to be able to resolve this issue without any further complications.

And the bed better be king-sized. With a down comforter. And night light.

Sincerely Yours,

The Cooper, Spong & Davis Collections Department
(but mostly Jerri)

K?thanksbai.


From Me:
Dear Cooper, Spong & Davis:

We greatly appreciate your generosity in buying pizza for the firm today. It's about time that you ordered the good pizza from Pizza Hut instead of the weird greek crap. Even though I cant eat it Jerri very much appreciates it.

Much love
JD and JB


From Jerri:
Dear Cooper, Spong & Davis

Lovely weather, isn't it? As part of the firm's hard-working staff, we would like to extend our hand in suggesting a few ideas to keep the staff's morale high and healthy! To start off with a few:

We find it easier to concentrate when relaxed. In this instance, we would like to suggest a personal masseuse to come by on a strictly part-time basis. He should be roughly six foot-two, muscular & Swedish. (Or a member of the elusive Quileute Native American Nation. But that's only a couple of member's wishes. Swedish works, too.)

In order to keep our body from perilous bouts of the swine flu/bird flu/pink eye/head colds- we would like to propose a resolution to the 'cold' & 'hot' spots of the office. Please make the office a comfortable 70 degrees in here. At all times. This means to not let Cathy control the thermostat. Ever.

Lastly, but certainly not leastly- we would like to offer up an additional amendment to the dress code. Flip-flops & nice jeans are very trendy. They work well together. Embrace them.

Please give these suggestions your kindest considerations. We very much appreciate you, you know...giving us paychecks and all that. Even if we end up owing the IRS come next April…

But that's another e-mail, entirely.

Peace out home slices,

JB, JD & BH.


From Me:
Dear Cooper, Spong & Davis:

Until further notice the Collection Team has decided to go on strike. We feel that our amazing leader aka Christine is being over worked when it comes to computer problems, aka Debbie. Please consider hiring someone part time to sit with the computer problem, as it seems she does not know how to use the computer whatsoever. If that is not an option we demand a raise for our amazing leader, as well as a company car and trip to some island far far away from said computer problem.

Make it happen.

The collection team


Now on the the e-mails we would love to send to the Twilight Characters....

From Me:
Dear Edward Cullen:

I think you are freaking hot. I don't care if you do look high half of the time and your hair looks like you have no clue what a brush is. I do not care that you are a vampire because I freaking love you.

Bite me

Jessica

PS-Please put in a good word for my friend Jerri, she is in love with Jacob Black and we all think it's a bit odd that he loves your 6 month old daughter.


From Jerri:
Dear Jacob Black,

I love dogs...I think wolves are hot...But you are far more beautiful than anything else. Even if you are only 17. I know you're drawn to babies, but maybe this time you'll make an exception? Afterall, it wasn't too long ago that you had the hots for an older woman.

I'll be waiting for your howl.

<3 Jerri

PS. I now know why women always fall for the tall, dark & handsome types. And also? Please keep your hair nice and shaggy…it's niiiice.


Oh and I almost forgot this one addressed to JK Rowling

From Jerri:
Dear J.K. Rowling,

Thank you so much for reading all of your fan mail! We really love your work. We are two of your biggest fans (for realz) & would love to invite you to our 'Beloved Authors' convention. It will be held at the Cooper, Spong & Davis lobby on June 19th, 2009 from 9-5. Also in attendance (hopefully) will be Jen Lancaster, Jodi Picoult and our newest member to the convention- Stephanie Meyers. We would love to have you! Thanks for your consideration.

Long live Harry Potter!

Jerri Butler & Jessica Delaney.

PS. We know there are tensions between the Twilight series fans and the HP fans- keep it clean, shall we?


Don't get me wrong, we are very very hard workers but sometimes we crack under stress and have to let it out in the e-mails.

Jessica

ABC's

ABC’s (taken from Curvy's Blog-Thanks Girl!!!)

A
• Are you available?
What do you mean by available…..available for what?? Dinner? I am always available for a good meal! Anything else, just ask and we shall see.

• What is your age?
46 as of 3:30AM this morning

• What annoys you?
Slow people that want to just stop in the middle of an aisle in the store and talk to their friends and family. Don’t bring your whole family to the grocery store. Get your ass in there and get out or just get out of my way.

B
• Do you know anyone named Billy?
Yep, several in fact.

• When is your birthday?
May

• Who is your best friend?
I have several. My mom, my daughter, Janet, Maria, Gwen, Kathy!!

C
• What's your favorite candy?
Maple Goodies

• Crush?
Ummm, yeah but I’m not telling.

• When was the last time you cried?
This morning

D
• Do you daydream?
Daily

• What's your favorite kind of dog?
Golden Retriever

• What day of the week is it?
Friday

E
• How do you like your eggs?
Sunny side up, yolks runny

• Have you ever been in the emergency room?
Yep

• Ever pet an elephant?
Nope

F
• Do you use fly swatters?
Yes, when I can find one. I can’t find mine right now and as soon as I buy a new one I will find the old one

• Have you ever used a foghorn?
No

• Is there a fan in your room?
Yes, a ceiling fan

G
• Do you chew gum?
Rarely, I tend to swallow it.

• Do you like gummy candies?
Absolutely

• Do you like gory movies?
Not gory but scary is definitely something that I like, I guess you could say suspenseful

H
• How are you?
OK, wish I was off today but oh well

• What's your height?
5'6

• What color is your hair?
Natural or dyed? Natural is kind of a mousy brown, right now it’s kind of a reddish brown. Next week? Who knows, I always let my hairdresser do whatever she wants with it.

I
• What's your favorite ice cream?
Peach

• Have you ever ice skated?
Yep

• Ever been in an igloo?
Nope

J
• What's your favorite Jelly Bean?
I don't *like* jelly beans

• Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke?
Um, yeah. Who hasn't?

• Do you wear jewelry?
Earrings, rings, necklace.

K
• Who do you want to kill?
It’s according to who has pissed me off at the moment

• Have you ever flown a kite?
As a child

• Do you think kangaroos are cute?
Yes

L
• Are you laid back?
Sometimes……It’s all according to the day and the situation

• Lions or Tigers?
Tigers

• Do you like black licorice?
Yuck!! My mom does though and Butch did too.

M
• Favorite movie as a kid?
Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella with Lesley Ann Warren that was broadcast on TV in 1967.

• Ever shopped at Moosejaw?
What? Who? Now I need to go google that

• Favorite store at the mall?
New York and Company

N
• Do you have a nickname?
Baby Bear when I was little. I used to think my mom, dad and I were really the three bears that turned into humans. Yes, I had an active imagination as a child.

• What’s your favorite number?
1

• Do you prefer night or day?
Night

O
• What's your one wish?
To get my degree one day

• Are you an only child?
No

• Do you like the color orange?
It’s ok. I like it better now though than I used to.

P
• What are you most paranoid about?
Having to take care of Butch at home again. It’s been a year now and I still can’t go see him alone. There are times that he still scares me.

• Piercings?
Ears x 3 but I only wear one pair anymore. I have a secret wish to have my nose pierced with a small diamond in but I think I’m a little too old now.

• Do you know anyone named Penelope?
Nope

Q
• Are you quick to judge people?
At times but I try to keep an open mind. I have certainly been wrong and yes, people can change to some degree

• Do you like Quaker Oats?
Yes

• Know anyone that makes quilts?
Yes, my niece Sarah’s mom, Sharon. She made a beautiful one for Butch and my wedding present.

R
• Do you think you're always right?
No.

• Do you watch reality TV?
Some, I did watch The Biggest Loser this last season and Survivor. It’s been kind of hit and miss with both.

• Reason to cry?
I cry everyday probably over something. My dad once told me that I cried until I was eight years old.

S
• Do you prefer sun or rain?
Sunshine!!

• Do you like snow?
Once a year, that’s quite enough

• What's your favorite season?
Fall, warm days and crisp evenings

T
• time is it?
10:31 am

• What time did you wake up?
7:00 am

U
• Can you ride a unicycle?
Never tried but my next door neighbor growing up had 5 sons and one of them did. I always thought it was cool.

• Do you know anyone with a unibrow?
Not that I can think of

• Uncles do you have?
One. My dad was an only child and my mom has one brother that is eleven years older than her.

V
• What’s the worst vegetable?
I love vegetables but I hate a raw tomato. Blew!!!! Yuck!!!

• Did you ever watch Veggie Tales?
No. Jessica was a Barney nut.

• Ever considered being vegan?
No but I can understand why people do though and I quite admire them for it.

W
• What's your worst habit?
Smoking

• Do you like water rides?
Love them

• Ever been inside a windmill?
No

X
• Have you ever had an x-ray?
Yes

• Ever used a Xerox machine?
Yes

Y
• Do you like the color yellow?
Yes.

• What year were you born in?
1963

• Do you yell when you're angry?
Oh yeah!! And when I get angry it’s usually over something different than what I am yelling about. I have a bad habit of holding things in until some small thing will piss me off and then I let loose. I’m trying to do better though

Z
• Do you believe in the zodiac?
No

• What's your zodiac sign?
Gemini

• When was the last time you went to the zoo?
Gosh, sometimes when Jessica was little. Probably 15 years ago or more.

Just as a side note my mom sent me a joke with the following quote which I absolutely loved!!!

"I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
That one is too good!!!

Yes, we are still here!!!

My gosh!! I didn't realize that better than a week had went by without posting. I left and went to the mountains last Wednesday night and got back Monday afternoon. It was wonderful and quite relaxing. I did nothing but sleep, read, do sudoku and relax. Never cut on a TV, although the radio was playing in the background, didn't look at a computer(I did have internet if I had wanted it), just did NOTHING!!! I think sometimes nothing is a good thing. We all need time to get away and recharge. I need to do this more often. I need to make it a priority, no matter what. I think as mothers, we tend to put everyone else first and next thing you know you are feeling frustrated, used, and under appreciated. I know I get that attitude way more than I should and the main reason I do is because I have the bad habit of saying yes when asked to do something and then it causes resentment, which festers like a sore and when things get too much, I tend to blow my cool over something very trivial and insignificant. Then I look like a crazed monster. Note to self: say no and quit feeling guilty when you do. You can't do it all.

Ah, what else is new? Well, my dad is a new father to five baby turkeys! Yes, my brother, Scott, and I have siblings that are non-human. We have our brother, Brownie the Burro, .but now there are five newly hatched baby turkeys, all with the name of Peeper. A local woodcutter knows that my dad is animal crazed and was cutting down some trees and found a turkey nest. The mother left because of all the noise and falling trees, and the woodcutter hated to see the eggs just get abandoned so he brought my dad the dozen turkey eggs and Clyde(my dad) broke out the incubator in the living room and last Friday five of the eggs hatched. Now, if he peeps while he is in the kitchen, they raise their little heads and peep back. Yes, they are in the living room and probably will be for another week or at least until he can add on to the existing turkey pen so it will be safe for his "babies". It looks like "The Number One Turkey Hunter" is now "The Number One Turkey Dad"!! Shhhhh!! Don't tell anybody, I wouldn't want to spoil his reputation. BTW, Brownie may look like a donkey, but if you say that you get your birthday money yanked by my dad, so humour us please and use his spanish name which is burro. Brownie and my dad also send out Christmas cards with their photo inside. Funny, I never remember him taking Scott or myself to go see Santa and have our pictures taken but he sure does Christmas pictures for Brownie. Our cards are even signed "Love Clyde and Brownie". Go figure.....

I was thinking about my last post and Jessicaisms and a few more popped into my head while Jessica and I were discussing one of her friends toddlers who broke out with the Chicken Pox. Jessica was 16 months old when she contracted a horrific case of them. She was covered everywhere and I had to let her run around naked because her poor little body couldn't stand to have clothes touch the spots. She was so funny and she called them "pops" and she would tell everyone that she had "Chicken Pops". Of course, that was once she got past the stage where they were catching, she still looked pitiful though. I need to dig up a pic of her with them. I remember while she had them we went on vacation to Duck, NC down at the Outer Banks and being out in the sun at the beach really helped them clear up. Some other Jessicaisms was "hairpoo" for shampoo as in "Please don't put hairpoo in my hair right now" and "Can I please have some lipchap" instead of chapstik. She also called pumpkins "pogos" for some reason. She was excited during the Halloween of 1991 to go to the "pogo patch". Gosh, and while typing this I realized that it will be 20 years ago tomorrow that I found out that I was pregnant with Jessica. I think that was the best birthday present that I ever recieved!