My Photography

My mom recently did a post about my photography. The pictures she posted are really not my best work. When I took those pictures I wasn't even trying. Here are some more recent pictures that I'm more proud of.

More of Jessica's Photography

Jessica has thousands of pictures that she has taken of which at least half are of Kaitlyn. Here are a few of my favorites. For some reason I really like the black and white ones. She just purchased a new type of photo editing so I'm really anxious to see what she comes up with next.

One of her many self portraits.

Jessica and her best friend, Nikki last year at graduation. Nikki and Jessica have literally been friends since they were babies. I have a picture somewhere of them sitting at her Grandmother Delaney's (aka Memaw) house when they were about six months old.

Jessica and Lewis. We laugh and tease them and call them Old Mr & Mrs Hubbard. Hubbard is Lewis' last name and they are so much like an old married couple. Their personalities certainly compliment each other well. Jessica is the more stringent and organized of the two and Lewis is very laid back.

Another of Jessica. I love the expression in her eyes. Her eyes are very green, I always call her my "green eyed girl".


These last two are of Jessica holding Kaitlyn when she was a little more than a month or so old. Jessica, Lewis and myself were all there when Kaitlyn was born and Jessica was there when Aaydon came the other week too. I wanted to post these last two since she had a similar picture of her and Aaydon in the prior post.

Well, I'm off to study.

Some Real Life Pics

Here are a couple of new pics that Jessica took this weekend while over at Lewis' brothers house of his brothers new baby Aaydon and his niece, Kaitlyn.


Here is Jessica, Kaitlyn and Aaydon with Kaitlyn doing her "MySpace" girlie pose.


Gosh, in a few more years this could be Lewis and Jessica with their kids! They are so good with Lewis' niece and nephew.


Ignore the tape on Lewis' glasses. He just got a new pair about three months ago and already a tree limb crashed into them and broke them. Luckily, we found out about a new website that we can get glasses from inexpensively and we can also get prescription safety goggles for Lewis to wear to work. I guess this is going to one of Lewis' birthday presents.


This one is my favorite. She has one in black and white like this of Kaitlyn on her shoulder at about the same age. It blows me away some of the pictures that she manages to take of herself.

Little ones grow so fast. It's wonderful all of the technology that we now have to be able to record things to have and look back at in the future.

My First Opinion Paper in my Womens Studies Class

Let me first start off by saying that I probably have a different perspective on whether or not equality has been achieved because I am an older student, and probably one of the oldest in this class. I am a forty-six year old woman that feels as if she has been caught between two worlds.

I well remember the times of the "bra-burning" and "get out of the kitchen" days of the early seventies. When I was a little girl I was initially raised to believe that I would one day become a stay at home wife and mother. That illusion was shattered as I watched my parents marriage falter and my mother had to attend nursing school in her thirties, while I was still in high school. I was encouraged to further my education but finances on a single mom being what they were, I entered the apprenticeship as an electrician at Norfolk Naval Shipyard instead of college.

When I went into the shipyard, women had only been allowed into the apprenticeship for four years. They were still a novelty on board Navy ships. Women were still not allowed to serve on board these ships if they were in the military unless the ship was a hospital ship or a tender. To say the least I caught hell.

Fast forward to now, and I left the Navy Yard almost twenty years ago as I was not happy in my job and switched careers. Women are shipboard now and they are accommodated but in reality the "old boy system" is still well in place.

My current career is still in a primarily male field of taxes and finances. It is irritating to have clients call, especially male, and ask me a question, yet still are not satisfied with the answer unless they speak to my male boss. I can hear it in their tone of voice and the way that they question me.

I also recently went out to lunch with some friends and their parents and the comment was made at one point by one of the older males that "a woman's place is at the stove". I almost choked on my scallop. I did not speak out at the time because I did not want to cause a commotion or make a scene, but I have went through this in my mind as to how I should have handled the situation. Part of me regrets not saying anything. Was my silence an agreement to his statement?

Another incident that reaffirms my belief that equality has not been achieved was the recent conversation that I had with my daughter regarding her pay at the law firm that she currently works at. She has been at her position for three years as a legal assistant. Yes, she started out as a cooperative education student, but she has been full time for eighteen months and she only makes minimum wage. She is also attending Tidewater full time and the firm well knows her drive to further herself but, when she inquired about her salary she was met with the response that the firm could not increase it due to monetary constraints. I wonder if she was male would it be looked upon the same?

My final reality check with equality was a recent comment made by another business aquaintence. Only three weeks ago, this person came by my house to speak to me about a question that he had regarding his small business. During the course of the conversation he asked about any "needs" that I had around my house. I did not get it at first. I thought that he was talking about home repairs. He was actually talking about sexual needs as he was well aware that my husband lived in a nursing home and I had been on my own for a year. Thankfully, we were sitting outside on my front porch and I very politely rebuked him. Why is it that in 2009, we as women still have to constantly be on our guard as to not send off incorrect signals?

I wish equality was there but I'm afraid that with all of the advances women and others have made in the last thirty years it only scratches the surface of how far we are yet to come. However, I do believe we are getting there and hopefully the generation after mine will have a much easier time. I do see signs of it as my brother, who is 38, has no problem with household chores and cooking. I know of other younger men that this seems routine for. Maybe part of it is they were raised by working mothers and had to learn.

Finally I was also looking at the Deparment of Labor website for statistics of women in the workplace in 2008. Women now comprise 46.5% of the workforce but unfortunately, the number one position of women are secretaries and administrative assistants, which is the lower paid positions and certainly not positions of power. Also women still only earn eighty percent of every dollar that their male counterparts earn.

I personally believe that I will not see in my lifetime true equality if ever. Hopefully, the march of time will continue to bring that about, especially as the "old school" generation are no longer around to hand their antiquated belief system down. I feel that it will always be there in some form or fashion. Perhaps, it always will be, because it is human nature to not open ones mind and think outside the box.

My paper ended at that point. This was simply an opinion piece that was posted on a discussion blackboard. I did not read others before I completed mine and posted. I did however, go back and read many after I had posted mine. Several things that I noted the first of which my opinion was by far the longest posted. Many others did make some good points in a short style but I was surprised that they were not longer with a little more thought other than the basic I think equality has been achieved or I do not believe equality has been achieved.

I also had to give and agree or disagree to another's post and again, my reply was lengthy although not nearly as lengthy as my original response. I wonder what my grade will turn out to be. I hope that I did make my point although there was much, much more that I could have said. We all know that there are times that I can ramble at the keyboard.

I got an "A"!!

I just finished my first online test and I got 46 out of 48 correct which is an "A"!!!!!! I am so excited!!!! As if all of the exclamation points are for nothing. I am seriously doing a happy dance right this minute. Jessica can hardly stand me. I was sooooo worried but after the 10 total hours of studying Chapter One what could one expect? I was given an hour to complete the test and I completed it in NINE minutes. I don't think I can complain. My background knowledge did help and not hurt as I was afraid of.

New word of the day - Eponym - the name of a person, whether real or fictitious, after which a particular place, tribe, era, discovery, or other item is named or thought to be named. Example: Binswangers Disease is an eponym as it is named after Otto Binswanger.

I guess my readers are just gonna have to learn right along with me. Welcome to my world.

Studying, studying, and more studying!!!

Well,I am definitely a student for sure now!! I spent most of yesterday with my nose in the books. I see my future for the next 16 weeks and it is not pretty. I am taking four classes this semester, which I think the hardest will be the medical terminology class. I don't think it's a good thing that I have experience in the field because now I have to throw out all that I know and start from scratch regurgitating information the way that my professor wants it to come back out. It's all good though. I know I can do it. I just have to keep repeating that phrase.

I am also taking Introduction to Womens Studies, which I think I will find very interesting. I enjoyed reading the first chapter and even read the extra articles in the back of the chapter. Tomorrow I will post on the discussion board my thoughts, which I know I will have no problem with as any of my readers are well aware of by now if you read any of this blog. I think I may post some of my discussions on here as well just to get some feedback. I think this class may give me some insight to my own issues that I have posted about in the past. The first chapter has already been very thought provoking. We shall see.

The other classes that I am taking? English Composition, of which I had taken years ago and now I have to take again since it had been so long, and Developmental Psychology. The English class doesn't start until the end of October and the psych class will start the end of September. Hopefully, I will have a good study pattern started with these first two classes and will not feel as stressed when those two begin. At least that is what I am hoping for.

Everything else around here is pretty quiet. I have a quarterly meeting at Butch's facility tomorrow and I really don't see anything changing in that way. He has had some issues the last few weeks with additional weight loss, problems falling and a decline in general. It seems to go that way. A leveling out, then a decline, then leveling out again. Our twentieth wedding anniversary is next week and I have been thinking about that quite a bit. It is very bittersweet to say the least. I have something in mind that I would like to do for the blog but I don't know if I will have time to pull it together. I would like to do a slideshow of our wedding pictures and have it set to "our" song. I think he would have liked that. I would have never dreamed that things would have turned out the way they did but there is nothing that I can do about that. Hindsight is always 20/20. Maybe we were meant to go through these trials in life for some reason. I don't know and I can't spend too much time thinking about it or I will drive myself crazy.

Well, even though it is late, I am going back to do a little more studying. Perhaps it will make me sleepy. One can always hope.....

It's Official!!!!

I am a FULL TIME COLLEGE STUDENT!!!!! This is me doing two things: 1)holding my planner in my hand and that makes it all official in my eyes and 2)taking a picture on my cell phone and being able to send it to my computer!!!

Gee, it's the little things that make me so happy!!

Did ya ever have one of those days?

Well, it's been one of those weeks for me so far. I have finally enrolled in college full time, picked my classes, ordered my books and will pick them up tomorrow. I either want to jump up and down with joy or sit on the floor and cry. I'm not really sure which and it's according to the minute of the day as to how I feel. This morning I got the three part combo to study for the Enrolled Agent exam next summer, so I guess when I have my sleepless nights, I will study something and I bet that will put my hiney back to sleep real fast!!

Thanks mom for the picture! It sure made my attitude a little bit better for right this minute. I love you and thanks for your advice. I will get that piece of paper(degree) one day. I just hope that I'm not 80 and you are 99 when I do!!

Oh, and thank you also to Sarah who yesterday sat and listened to me moan and groan and who told me that I could do this, to quit stressing, to take something fun and easy. Also to my baby brother, Scott. You will always be my baby brother even when I am 80 and you are 72! Thank you for always being there and listening to your crazy sister. I don't know what I would do without you. You are my rock!

Note to self, quit trying to fit the square peg in the round hole. It won't work.

A Rainy Wednesday

Yes, this is the road, not a lake. Look closely at the lower, middle right of the picutre and you can faintly see the double, yellow lines.

Going in to our neighborhood.

Intersection of Elmhurst and Hodges Ferry Rd.

Last week on Wednesday our area got hit with some massive rain storms. It took Jessica two hours to get home from Downtown Portsmouth when it usually takes about fifteen minutes. Luckily, her friend Brenna, had a Tahoe and offered to drive Jessica as her little Nissan Sentra would have been underwater. Here are a few pictures that Jessica took of our neighborhood on her way home. According to the reports 3-6 inches of rain fell between 4-6PM. What a mess!!! Here is a newslink for more info. All of these pictures were in our neighborhood. The last time we had rainfall like this it was followed up by Hurricane Isabel which hit and left us without power for nine days and Isabel was barely a Category One storm!!! Now I see Hurricane Bill is out there and I hope that it turns and goes out to sea and spares our region.

First Comes Love......

Then Comes Marriage......
May 17, 2008


Then Comes Aydon Riley Hubbard in a baby carriage......


7lbs 6ozs
20.5 inches long
August 11, 2009 4:35PM

Congratulations to Lewis' brother, JR, his wife Lacy and their new baby boy!!!!

A Very Taboo Subject

Ever since this morning when I got to work and heard on the news about a very public figure in this area that passed away on Sunday this blog post has been rattling around in my head. I'm not going to mention this person by name because if you live in the Tidewater area you have heard about it and names really mean nothing to the meat of this post. The principal of a local high school that was well loved apparently committed suicide on Sunday. It just so happened to be the high school that I attended. He had been the Principal for almost 40 years, and that in itself is a stellar achievement especially in this day and time. Rumor has it that he was suffering from a terminal illness. Now I don't know if that was a fact or not but I do believe that obviously it was something very serious for this gentleman to take his life. After reading the comments online though about what a "travesty" that it was to be reported in a public paper, I felt the need to at least get my thoughts out there if only for the few that read my blog.

This person was a public figure whether we all like it or not. Should his death have been the cause for additional newspaper coverage? Well I guess that is debatable but I say yes because even though our area boasts a population of almost two million people, Tidewater is still a very small town especially when it comes to some of the local cities. Rumors would have been out there regardless of whether or not it was considered news. Yes, I hate it for his family but why is suicide in this day and time so taboo?

I remember when my life was first touched by suicide. It was the first week of August, 1979. One of my good friends mother committed suicide. It was horrible. It changed this friend in ways I can't describe. Her and I spent many a night at her mothers grave with her crying and asking the inevitable question of why. Even now, the memories of it brings tears to my eyes and an ache to my heart. Every August 6, I think of her mother. Every time I ever hear a Peter Frampton song I think of her mom as her and I and our dates attended the Peter Frampton concert that evening that her mom walked out of her home and took an overdose. I know this much. My friends mother was depressed and she was not thinking clearly.

In 1987, suicide again touched me when my next door neighbor walked in his back yard, entered his shed and hung himself. For the six months prior to his death, all he saw was failure and despair. He thought he was wearing rags. He thought that him and his wife were broke and they were going to be put out of their home. He thought that his house was falling down and in disrepair. None of this was so, but that was how sick his mind was. He did not see things clearly. His wife removed the guns from the house, took him to doctors, tried medications but inevitably he found a way to commit this act. My brother was the last person to see him that morning as Scott was cutting grass in our backyard. Scott said "I never talked to CJ when he was walking to the shed. I thought of waving or saying hello, but he was just looking at the ground and walking real slow. So I didn't. And I've regretted it ever since." This was a man that I thought of as something of a father figure. How could he do this to his wife, sons and all of the people that cared for him?

Again, just last month, I blogged about my friend Kathy. Her ex-boyfriend committed suicide in June. He had tried it before and failed. He had been on medications for depression and other mental issues. He had even called her three months prior and had her drive 8 hours to come and pick up his beloved dog because he told her he wanted her to have him as he didn't have time for him anymore. Kathy and I discussed her getting the dog and we talked about how it was not a good sign that he was giving Gizmo away. She called me that Sunday night when they had been talking and he had threatened suicide. She promptly called his mom and his mom and him spoke on the phone. She thought things were okay. When Kathy continued not to hear from him, she continued to call to S.C. until finally on the following Friday, 911 was dispatched to enter the house and his body was found. He had overdosed. He had committed the act that he had so desperately wanted to complete.

Finally on Sunday, my daughter called me while I was out and told me about my old high school principal. I thought nothing of his death really when hearing the initial reports. Found in his garage dead. I figured heart attack. He was nearing retirement age, in fact I actually thought he had retired in June. When I got to work on Monday morning, my boss inquired as to what I had heard. My boss grew up next door to this man and was a good friend of his. I thought it strange that he asked the question that way but thought nothing more. Again, this morning, he asked me what I had heard. I told him I had not read the paper yet and he asked that I go online and see what was being reported. There it was. The police were reporting it as a potential suicide that involved a firearm. That was when I first heard the rumor of a terminal illness. Throughout the day, I continued to hear the first rumblings of an illness and the very loud cry of "why was the newspaper intruding on this mans family at such a time of grief". Unfortunately, this was news and sooner or later it was going to get out. Maybe it was better to be upfront as the paper was and report things, not have the gossip twist and turn throughout the community.

I guess what all of this diatribe has been about really is "Why is suicide such a taboo subject in our society"?

My BFF, Janet and I were talking about this today. Her father succumbed last year to ALS, better known as Lou Gehrig's Disease. This is a disease where your mind stays intact but you lose the ability to function. The last six months that her father lived, he couldn't even feed himself or do anything for himself. He could hardly even talk, but his mind was fully functional. We often talked last year about the will to live and how far someone would reach to continue their life. On the other hand there are many people that want to hold their fate in their own hands. We both understand that and amazingly enough we agree.

I don't necessarily think that suicide is a bad option. Especially for one that has a terminal illness. I have often said that I would not want to live out my final days dependent on someone else or in horrible pain. I want to have that choice. I have discussed it with my family but we all know that assisted suicide is illegal in all states except Oregon.

I also know the pain of depression. I'm not talking about just being sad. I'm talking about the dark, heavy, never-ending despair that envelopes your brain like very sticky molasses depression. The "I can't see the forest for the trees" depression. The I can't see no other way out type. I was there at times last year and even a few years here and there since my mid 20's. I can understand that and oh how I sympathize with them. If it had not have been for Jessica last year, I can't say that I wouldn't have been a statistic. Jessica was my saving grace. I knew that if something happened to me that it would leave her holding the bag with her fathers care and I couldn't leave that legacy to my beloved child. I didn't want her to be like my friend and have to question why. I didn't want to leave doubts to my loved ones as to why I did what I did. I will say this. When you are in the middle of it, you can't necessarily see those things. I know my darkest moment was when I sat at the restaurant that I was working in last February part time, and all was dark and quiet and we were closed. I had sent everyone else home for the evening and it was my job to lock up. I sat at the bar area, though I did not have a drink, and just sat for the longest time. All I could think of was "what am I going to do from here" and "I can't handle it anymore". Butch was newly diagnosed with dementia, at that moment he had been hospitalized for six weeks in a geriatric psychiatric unit and was not in his right mind. I was being pushed to bring him home to care for him by his doctor and the social worker. His family was no longer speaking to me because I had said I couldn't care for him anymore and that he needed full time care 24 hours a day. Anyways I have already posted about that here. That bleak, dark, cold winter night I actually sat and contemplated suicide. Not just the thought, but actually walking around trying to figure out how to do it. Who would find me? Could I actually go through with it?

Was I sick that night? Oh yes!!! Just as sick as if I had had a physical ailment. The pain in my head and in my heart was the worst pain that I had ever had in my life. It would not subside, it was like a drum beating on and on and on. Get it over with, leave this earth, you will never have to worry about this crap again, you will never have to deal with all of this if you just go. Thankfully though, that small, still voice of reason whispered out Jessica's name and I simply could not do it. I could not leave that legacy to my daughter. The hand of sanity reached out and brought me back.

Now, I'm not saying suicide is right or wrong. Is the person suffering from a mental illness truly sick? I think so. They are just as sick as someone with a physical ailment such as cancer, ALS or even Binswanger's Disesase. I would like to see more states allow assisted suicide, under the proper guidelines of course. Suicide is not always a bad thing. Yes, in a way it is selfish, but is it not selfish in a way to want to continue to do everything in your power to live sometimes, even when you are on a ventilator 24/7? There is no right or wrong answer here. I guess I'm kind of debating with myself in a way. The bottom line is suicide is not a shameful act, it is a shameless act. The person that commits suicide is trying to either keep from hurting others (I don't mean physically here)or to put an end to some type of pain that they are in either physically or emotionally. Don't judge someone else's actions until you walk their walk.

I think in this case it took a very brave person to end their life. Suicide should not be that "dirty" word. It should be talked about openly and honestly. I know that if something happens one day and I want to make that choice, I want to have the ability to make it one way or another. Especially in the case of a terminal illness. I would much rather walk out the door of life my way than being dragged out of it in pain and suffering. Maybe really, my old principal walked out that door just the way that he walked in his life. His way.

Practical Advice for Dementia/Alzheimers Caregivers and their families

I cannot take credit for this. This came from a Yahoo group that I belong to for people that are either caregivers or have someone in their lives with Dementia/Alzheimers. They are some great tips! Thanks go to Mariellen for her contribution.

As caregivers, we often use intuition to help us decide what to do. No one ever gave us lessons on how to relate to someone with memory loss. Unfortunately, dealing with Alzheimer's disease and other dementias is counter-intuitive; i.e., often the right thing to do is exactly opposite that which seems like the right thing to do.

Here is some practical advice:

1.Being Reasonable, Rational and Logical Will Just Get You into Trouble.
When someone is acting in ways that don't make sense, we tend to carefully explain the situation, calling on his or her sense of appropriateness to get compliance. However, the person with dementia doesn't have a "boss" in his brain any longer, so he does not respond to our arguments, no matter how logical. Straightforward, simple sentences about what is going to happen are usually the best.

2.People With Dementia Do Not Need to Be Grounded in Reality.
When someone has memory loss, he often forgets important things, e.g., that his mother is deceased. When we remind him of this loss, we remind him about the pain of that loss also. When someone wants to go home, reassuring him that he is at home often leads to an argument. Redirecting and asking someone to tell you about the person he has asked about or about his home is a better way to calm a person with dementia.

3.You Cannot Be a Perfect Caregiver.
Just as there is no such thing as a perfect parent, there is no such thing as a perfect caregiver. You have the right to the full range of human emotions, and sometimes you are going to be impatient or frustrated. Learning to forgive your loved one as well as yourself is essential in the caregiving journey.

4.Therapeutic Lying Reduces Stress.
We tend to be meticulously honest with people. However, when someone has dementia, honesty can lead to distress both for us and the one we are caring for. Does it really matter that your loved one thinks she is the volunteer at the day care center? Is it okay to tell your loved one that the two of you are going out to lunch and then "coincidentally" stop by the doctor's office on the way home to pick something up as a way to get her to the doctor?

5. Making Agreements Doesn't Work.
If you ask your loved one to not do something ever again, or to remember to do something, it will soon be forgotten. For people in early stage dementia, leaving notes as reminders can sometimes help, but as the disease progresses, this will not work. Taking action, rearranging the environment, rather than talking and discussing, is usually a more successful approach. For example, getting a teakettle with an automatic "off" switch is better than warning someone of the dangers of leaving the stove on.

6.Doctors Often Need to Be Educated By You.
Telling the doctor what you see at home is important. The doctor can't tell during an examination that your loved one has been up all night pacing. Sometimes doctors, too, need to deal with therapeutic lying; e.g., telling the patient that an antidepressant is for memory rather than depression.

7.You Can't Do It All.
It's OK to Accept Help Before You Get Desperate. When people offer to help, the answer should always be "YES." Have a list of things people can do to help you, whether it is bringing a meal, picking up a prescription, helping trim the roses or staying with your loved one while you run an errand. This will reinforce offers of help. It is harder to ask for help than to accept it when it is offered, so don't wait until you "really need it" to get support.

8.It Is Easy to Both Overestimate and Underestimate What Your Loved One Can Do.
It is often easier to do something for our loved ones than to let them do it for themselves. However, if we do it for them, they will lose the ability to be independent in that skill. On the other hand, if we insist individuals do something for themselves and they get frustrated, we just make our loved one's agitated and probably haven't increased their abilities to perform tasks. Not only is it a constant juggle to find the balance, but be aware that the balance may shift from day to day.

9.Tell, Don't Ask.
Asking "What would you like for dinner?" may have been a perfectly normal question at another time. But now we are asking our loved one to come up with an answer when he or she might not have the words for what they want, might not be hungry, and even if they answer, might not want the food when it is served after all. Saying "We are going to eat now" encourages the person to eat and doesn't put them in the dilemma of having failed to respond.

10.It Is Perfectly Normal to Question the Diagnosis When Someone Has Moments of Lucidity.
One of the hardest things to do is to remember that we are responding to a disease, not the person who once was. Everyone with dementia has times when they make perfect sense and can respond appropriately. We often feel like that person has been faking it or that we have been exaggerating the problem when these moments occur. We are not imagining things—they are just having one of those moments, to be treasured when they occur.

All I can say to close this up is been there and done that on all ten suggestions. If you have someone that you know that has been stricken with this disease, keep these tips in mind. They will come in handy. Dementia is an insidious disease and nothing ever makes sense.

Monkey See, Monkey Do!

As evidence that little girls are ALWAYS imitating the big girls, here are some pictures that Jessica took this weekend of herself, her friend Samantha, and Kaitlyn. Notice how Katybug is pursing her lips and flipping the peace sign at the camera. I'm not quite sure of where this pursing of the lips in pictures comes from(I have a feeling it's from that Mary Kate and Ashley Olson stuff that Jessica and Samantha watched as little girls from Full House) but anyways, I notice that a lot of teenage girls take pictures like this, so it must be "the thing" to do in pictures.






I can't get over how much of a "big" girl that Kaitlyn is becoming! She sure doesn't have that toddler/baby look anymore. Of course, the girls were here Saturday night doing their hair and nails and the such and she was right in the thick of things!
She won't even be three until November! Three going on twenty-three in her mind.

Summer Fun!

Jessica took Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn's grandmother, Lorrie, to Ocean View Beach a few weeks ago. It was a beautiful day and Kaitlyn had loads of fun digging in the sand. Even if her hands did get dirty every now and then!